Weekly Nugget: How to Go from Resentment and Resignation to Workability in Relationships

Hi friend,

In all of our relationships, whether personal or professional, new or old, there are expectations, often unspoken. 

These expectations are like invisible background assessments that live in us. 

You have an idea of how things should be, how the other person should act, what they should do, and what they shouldn’t. 

When these expectations aren’t met, we often fall into resentment and resignation. This can happen whether you're in a marriage, partnership, friendship, or even with managers and employees. Expectations are present in all these dynamics, but they often go un-negotiated.

The problem is that we don't take responsibility for negotiating, listening, or communicating what we really want. 

If you have a complaint, like your partner not showing interest in particular topics you care about, you should bring it up. 

Meaning you take full responsibility for what you want. Ask if they're open to learning together and invite them into the conversation. 

Recently, my partner complained that we “don’t do things together” anymore. I honestly did not understand what she meant. I asked her to take responsibility for teaching me what doing things together looks like. Now we have been going for walks, dinners, and meeting friends. Life is good!  

This is the essence of negotiation in relationships – not threats, not demands, but a shared responsibility to teach and learn from each other. If we fail to do this, the relationship deteriorates. 

More often than not, the skill level for navigating relationships is not the same for both parties. 

When one side isn’t willing to learn or teach, resentment builds, and an unhealthy future becomes inevitable. To break this cycle, we must choose a different path of openness, responsibility, and learning together. 

If you keep expecting things to happen without taking responsibility for your satisfaction, you'll end up with an obvious future where nothing changes. 

But if you want a different future, a future of workability in your relationships, you must be willing to change how you show up. 

When frustration or anger arises, don’t blame the other person. Instead, take responsibility and ask, What have you failed to talk to your partner about? Maybe they have a condition for satisfaction you haven’t been listening to. 

This shift, replacing resignation with conversation, is key to creating authentic relationships. 

Whether in love, friendship, or business, true workability comes from the willingness to listen, learn, and teach, as well as accept what cannot be changed (only after you have explored.) 

Conversation is the foundation of creating a future that works for both parties.

With care,
Saqib